Getting back out in the dating world

They make the mistake of trying to trade on the ambiguousness of the situation – a Schrödinger’s Date, where it is both platonic and sexual at the same time, so long as nobody actually tries to put a label on things and collapses the waveform.The only problem with this approach is that It doesn’t take very long for the other person to recognize that you’re trying to leverage a date out of a friendly get-together and they’re more likely to peace-out than have a long and uncomfortable “Let’s Just Be Friends” talk.One of the trickier aspects of improving your dating life is that there’s always another level to master. And that’s where new and different problems come sneaking in.It’s easy to assume that once you’ve made it past that initial hump – building a cool wardrobe, getting over your approach anxiety and generally learning how to connect with potential dates – that it’s all smooth sailing from there. One of the things I hear about regularly from my readers – both here and over at my column at Kotaku – are people who keep experiencing what’s known as “the fade away” or “ghosting”.The classic example is the nerd developing a crush on the cheerleader without knowing anything about her; he’s built up this elaborate fantasy about who she is and what she’s “really” into without any regard for reality.It’s a function of the halo effect – we assume that people we find physically attractive are also smarter, kinder, friendlier and so-forth. Physical attraction is great – it’s incredibly important for any romantic relationship – but it’s not the in the long run than looks.

Yeah, you’re great together, you make each other laugh and the two of you give off enough sparks to make it dangerous for you to visit gas stations together, but one of you is looking for a no-strings-attached, friends-with-benefits situation and the other is looking for someone to settle down with.But when it’s happening to you an indication that you’re doing something wrong.If you’re regularly getting the fade, the odds are good you’re having one of a number of common issues.But chemistry and attraction isn’t something that you should be leaving to chance.Your love life is too important for you to be a passive non-participant.But as I’m always telling people: mastery is just the realization that there’s more to learn. Things seem to be going well, but they’re consistently meeting women who like them well enough at first, but lose interest by the third or fourth date.

653

Leave a Reply